


Peeta's Games

by andmore (lgbtandmore)



Series: PTSD Hunger Games [1]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: ALMOST Character Death, Child Abuse, Delusions, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-02 23:43:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5268329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtandmore/pseuds/andmore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>what the cameras never saw in Peeta's life (the aftermath of the 74th, the Quarter Quell, and the Rebellion)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The 74th Annual Hunger Games

**After The 74th**  
  
It's been two days. They're still in the Capital, and every time Peeta wakes up, it's to a room he recognizes only vaguely, the same one he'd been in before they entered the Games. He wakes up in a cold sweat every time, shaking and terrified. He wakes up other times, too, to hear Katniss screaming, but then he inevitably hears Haymitch get up, like a father looking after a baby, and he falls back asleep.  


  
It's been one week. They're home, and Peeta is just finishing moving his stuff into the Victor's Village. He receives a nod from his father and a disappointed look from his mother when he gets home, and it's clear that they wanted Katniss to return alone. When he offers to the floor that maybe they could join him in the Victor's Village, he hears them laugh and he nods, leaving the bakery alone. 

When he wakes up that night, the nightmare he'd had was that he was back in the arena, only this time it was his parents in the arena with him, and he's terrified. He can still hear the canon go off and feel himself sinking to the ground as he sits up, and he shivers. It's not the first time he's had nightmares about his parents, but the first time it's involved the Games too. He can't sleep, so he bakes some bread to pass the time, and later he gives it away to everyone at the Hob.  
  
  
It's been one month. Katniss refuses to talk to him, and he cares, but the lack of sleep he's been getting is wearing him thin. He bakes a lot, and gives it away for free. He paints, but everything he paints comes out dark, depressing, or violent. The only thing he can draw well is Rue, and it hurts to think about every time. He visits Haymitch, who gives him pitying looks every time they see each other at odd hours of the morning. They talk about anything they can, but eventually the topic always comes back to the Games. You can never avoid the Games.  
  
  
It's been a year. It's time for Peeta to become a mentor, and he's not sure he can handle the idea, the nightmares are still too much and he doesn't want to put some poor kid through that. That's when they announce the rules for the Quarter Quell, and Peeta isn't going to become a mentor. He's going to be a competitor again, and this time, he's going to make sure he dies and Katniss lives. He talks to Haymitch, who looks like he's about to cry when he nods, promising that he will help as much as he can.

When the buzzer sounds and the Quarter Quell begins, the nightmares stop, as Peeta's life once again becomes the nightmare.


	2. The Quarter Quell

**The Quarter Quell**  
  
It's been two days. The Capital pulled Peeta and Johanna out of the arena, and they've been sitting in these cells since then. Nothing has happened yet, but Peeta keeps waking up with nightmares, and Johanna, who hasn't been sleeping at all, shushes him, yelling at first but eventually just talking to him, lulling him back to sleep.  
  
But, as they say, the third time's the charm, and on the third day the torture begins.  
  
    
  
It's been one week. Peeta is still fighting the venom, fighting the memories, fighting to remember all of the good things in life. He's trying to remember all the beautiful things about Katniss, her voice, her smile, her laugh, her bravery, but with every passing day it gets harder and harder. Johanna tries to encourage him, but when she herself is also being tortured it's hard to keep morale up.  
  
They eat, sleep, and get tortured in the same cell, so even when Peeta tries to sleep, all he can hear are his own screams filling the room, and he tries to remember a time when he wasn't always hurt, terrified, or in pain. He clings to his memory of Katniss singing, and that helps him sleep on the worst nights.

  

It's been one month. Peeta's memories have become so corrupt that he isn't sure who is who, or what is what, but he knows one thing for certain: Katniss Everdeen is evil. She's caused so much pain in his life. Even as a small child, if he even mentioned Katniss's name at home, His parents would sigh and exclaim how they wish they'd had a daughter like Katniss, and not a son like him.  
  
When he chose to burn that bread, he'd gotten beat for it, and it wasn't the first time, or the last, but it was the most memorable. The one thing a baker cannot stand is burnt bread, and Peeta had paid the price for that. He'd thought before that it had been worth it, but now he couldn't see what the point had been. It only got him hurt.  
  
And he hated Katniss for not trying harder to save or kill him. When it came down to it in the first Games, she should have killed him, or killed herself, but she shouldn't have tried to save them both.   
  
Here, in the Capital, they were treating him nicely now. They gave him clean clothes, good food, and more love than he'd ever received in his entire life. They were so gentle, and they only hurt him when they were reminding him of Katniss, evil, violent, cruel, malicious Katniss.  
  
Johanna tries to talk to him, talk him out of the truth, but Peeta refuses to bend. He won't let Johanna convince him that Katniss is safe. He knows that Katniss needs to be destroyed, one way or another, because Katniss has even tricked Johanna into believing her lies. Peeta refuses to fall for it.  
  
    
  
It's been one year, and they come to take him away. Gale and others are there, and Peeta curls in on himself, pulls away, because they're going to take him from his home, from safety, and they're going to take him wherever She is. Wherever Katniss is. And Peeta is brewing with rage, but when it dawns on him that he can kill Katniss if he goes quietly, that's exactly what he does. He plays lost, and hurt, and pretends to be frightened when they take him away.  
  
They reach District 13, and after listening to Gale explain everything, Peeta has a pretty good idea of what he's walking into. They take him to the hospital, and he's just getting treated when She walks in. He looks up, and she looks...happy? She must be about to try and kill him!   
  
Peeta thinks fast and leaps to attack first, because he's not going to let her have the upper hand. She's gasping for breath, dying, and Peeta is filled with exhilaration as he watches the light fading from her eyes, but then he feels something slam into his head and the world goes black.


	3. The Rebellion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know my time frames are probably off, so just pretend that it fits the timeline?

**The Rebellion**  
  
It's been two days. Peeta is still convinced that Katniss is the cause of all his problems. And, after all, why wouldn't he? The people he's been with for the past year have convinced him that she is evil, and why wouldn't he believe them? His memories aren't lying to him.  
  
Prim comes to visit, and of course Katniss has twisted her thoughts, too, even Prim can't be trusted. Haymitch, too. Haymitch has always been too kind, too lenient towards Katniss. He isn't as bad as the others, but it's still bad.  
  
But the nightmares stay. Peeta still wakes up, sweat soaking the sheets, images of Rue and Wiress and Mags burned into his mind, only this time there is nothing to comfort him. He has only himself, and he is too hurt, too broken to pull himself out of the fear caused by the Games. The doctors try to help, but it's pointless. Without Peeta trying to help himself, there is no way for them to help.  
  
    
  
It's been one week. Peeta wakes up screaming sometimes, and only half of it is memories of the Games. The other half is memories of torture at the Capital, and hijacked memories of Katniss. Peeta can't tell what's real and what's not anymore, and he's not sure he cares, not sure he can care. His world has shattered around him over and over again, and he doesn't believe there are enough pieces left to fix it.  
  
Meeting Katniss. Falling in love with Katniss. Going to the Games. Going back again. Being tortured in the Capital. Hating Katniss. His parents are dead. Is Katniss the bad one or is he? It's Katniss. No, he should have done more. It's Katniss. No, she did nothing wrong-- It's Katniss.  
  
    
  
It's been one month.   
  
Finnick and Annie visit Peeta, and it's at least a little progress. Peeta recognizes Finnick, but as long as they don't talk about Katniss, their conversations are pleasant. The doctors mark it as progress the first time Peeta genuinely laughs with Finnick, laughs at a joke about Effie's hair. It's not much, but it's something.  
  
The doctors are working with Peeta as much as possible, and he's slowly changing. He can recognize that the memories look different, but he can't recognize why, nor can he accept anything that's happening. He still believes what the Capital has told him. Still believes their lies.  
  
No matter how much the doctors try to convince him, all Peeta can recognize is that Katniss is evil. When she comes in to talk to him, he tries to see her as good, but he can't. She's evil, and he knows it. She's a mutt, she shouldn't be alive, she's getting people hurt, getting people killed, she's hurt him and he can't forgive that. Not anymore.  
  
    
  
It's been one year. Memories are getting easier to sort. Peeta has to ask constantly, about almost everything that he remembers, but it's definitely huge progress. He plays "Real or Not Real" with Finnick almost all the time, and it's helping.  
  
When they talk about Katniss, it's vague at first, because they're trying to get Peeta used to talking about her, and that's when Peeta has to ask more and more real or not real questions. Peeta still feels that fear and anger bubble up when they talk about her, but it's getting easier to manage now, and it's mixed with guilt. Peeta starts questioning just how valid all of these memories are.  
  
Peeta has more nightmares than ever. With all of these new and old memories being sorted out, they all come back to him in perfect clarity, and those memories become his worst nightmares. He dreams of burning bread, then of the bakery burning down.  
  
Peeta dreams of Rue, Katniss, the Careers, the Capital, Snow, the man from District 11, Mags, Wiress, the Morphlings, and the lightning strike. He dreams of dying, he dreams of living and everyone else dying, and he dreams of being forced to fight. Every single time, he wakes up, screaming and crying, and he can't even wipe away the tears with his hands strapped down.  
  
Finnick comes in during the nights more than once, wipes away Peeta's tears and pretends he didn't see them, and they talk about better days. They talk about the past, the future, and how the wish the food here tasted sweeter. Finnick sneaks Peeta sugar cubes (which Finnick snuck from the Capital before the Quarter Quell), and they laugh and joke and try to think of anything but all of the things that happened to them.  
  
When Peeta gets put into battle with Katniss, he's afraid, but he's no longer sure if he's afraid of Katniss or himself. By the end of the battle, he decides he's more afraid of himself.  
  
    
  
It's been a decade since the Rebellion, and Peeta is happy. He has Katniss, and they have a beautiful baby boy, and a young boy, and the world is improving. With Coin and Snow both gone, the world feels right.   
  
It's still not perfect; Peeta still wakes up in the night, shaking and hyperventilating, and he and Katniss play Real or Not Real. Peeta sometimes has to take a few days and leave, go back to his house in the Victor's Village and stay away to make sure he doesn't hurt Katniss, and Haymitch plays Real or Not Real with him instead.  
  
Haymitch sticks around, still a mentor of sorts, and a grandfather of another sort, filling the gap where Katniss and Peeta's parents can't be. Haymitch helps Peeta through the worse nights, the ones where Peeta refuses to wake up Katniss, and he welcomes Peeta into his home whenever Peeta doesn't feel safe around Katniss.  
  
It's not perfect, but it works, and on one of Peeta's good days, where he's playing in the flowers with their daughter and Katniss is taking care of their baby boy, Peeta decides that he couldn't be happier than he is now.


End file.
